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You are now entering the realm of semi-intelligent thoughts. Keep your mind open and your mouth shut!

Saturday, September 27, 2003

Dorm Stories 'n' Stuff 

Okay, before I start, if you see the same post 4 or 5 times on the page, it's because Blogger sucks at publishing the right things. I'm only using it because I don't know how to use "real" weblog programs. Anyway, I have some short stories to share about my life that you probably don't really care about, but I'm going to tell them anyway. I had to go shopping in the store below my dorm so I would have something to eat before going to the football game (the game starts at 6:35, but the drumline has to be there REALLY early), and when I left my room this guy whose name I forget yelled, "There's Chris, the coolest kid on the floor!" He had already done this once before, but there were a couple other people with him this time. I asked him when I got a fan club, and he said, "about three seconds ago." That was just weird. I don't know what to think. Anyway, I went to the store and was browsing for things that I could eat quickly, and I realized that they don't sell bread. What's up with that? How can you have a store with no bread? It's at the bottom of the food guide pyramid, meaning that it's an essential part of a balanced diet! If you don't have bread, you can't make sandwiches or toast or anything. I ended up buying a box of saltines, six bottles of Aquafina, and a box of ham and cheese Hot Pockets. That's good eatin'. College life is so frickin' luxurious. On that note, it's time for me to go. I was going to end with a list of funny quotes from "The Simpsons" and "Family Guy," but I decided that would require work, so I'll just use a couple.
"Holy crip, he's a crapple!"
-"Ice Creamville!"- -"No, Screamville."-"AAAHH!!!"-
-"There's a message in my Alphabits! It says, "oooooooooo!"- "Peter, those are Cheerios."

More BOSIT 

I told you I was impatient, didn't I? I've decided to just post all the significant stuff from my book now. I'll be adding plenty more content to the blog as time goes on, and I want to give readers an introduction to some of my opinions and my writing style. The BOSIT stuff didn't use up much space on the page, so I'm going to finish what I started. Here is the remainder of content from CD's Book of Semi-Intelligent Thoughts (warning: these are slightly more opinionated, and they reveal that I am, in fact, a Bible-thumping, gun-toting, homophobic, anti-choice right-wing nut. Also, I overuse the word "people."):

-Why do people say things like "everybody does it" to convince people to take a certain action? If one person has to be convinced, then everybody doesn't do it yet.
-Saying people are animals is an insult to the animal community. (this is followed in the book by a chart illustrating human evolution and de-evolution (devolution?) from monkey, to neandertal, to Bill Clinton, to modern man, all the way to extinction. By the way, I actually don't believe in evolution, but it was fun to draw the chart.)
-If America was a dictatorship, Sean Penn would be dead by now.
-Everyone has heard that you can't judge a book by its cover, but they occasionally make the mistake of judging a tree by its roots.
-Liberals always think they're right, but they'll usually end up back on the left.
-By 1950's standards, the majority of rap videos would be considered pornographic.
-No TV character has a Pittsburgh accent.
-When did we start calling our enemies by their first names? "Where is Saddam? Where is Osama?" Nobody ever said, "Benito is dead, but Adolf is still in hiding."
-Not everybody who thinks homosexuality is wrong is a redneck!
-It's amazing how people who call themselves "open-minded" and "free-thinker" are always so biased.
-TV networks should have signature "bleeps."
-Someday, the censoring devices on TV will be sponsored. A character's car will break down, and he'll say something like, "this stupid motherFORDer! I hate this piece of shTARBUCKS!" Also, nudity will be covered by Pepsi logos instead of pixellation.
-Why is it that going to Iraq and taking a murderous dictator and his psychotic rapist sons out of power is wrong in the eyes of the left, but dissecting a baby alive is perfectly acceptable?
-Why do they advertise exercise machines at 4:00 in the morning? If you're watching TV at that time, you probably don't work out very often.
-Stop inventing words for rap songs! Herre and thurr...it's like the old Batman show. Pow! Biff! Zam! Zoink! Bort! Fronzle! Kachoonga!
-The next time I hear a song with the words "waiting by the phone" in it, I will break something.
-"Blog" is a funny word. It's like the channel WE (Women's Entertainment) sued the word "weblog" for taking their name and the weblogs lost.
-Even if we eventually have a society where you can order everything online so you never have to leave the house, somebody will still have to deliver it to you.
-Do any states other than New York and Pennsylvania refer to themselves by their postal abbreviations (NY and PA)?
-What are the odds that a man named Willie Brown will be elected mayor of San Francisco? His name is WILLIE BROWN, and he's mayor of SAN FRANCISCO!!!!! (if you don't get this one, either think about it longer, or juxtapose the words "Willie Brown.")
-Has anyone ever actually bought anything from a telemarketer?
-Dumbocrats. Good word.
-If you're lost, and someone offers you directions, and you refuse to listen, and then you end up dying in the woods, it's your own fault, not the person giving you directions.
-If everyone agrees with you, you're probably wrong (Oscar Wilde said something similar, but I didn't find out until after I wrote this).
-Drumming isn't a skill; it's an addiction.
-The world is a drum.
-Why do people with annoying voices insist on talking so much?
-The fact that people are allowed to criticize America is also the best reason people shouldn't criticize America.
-Next time someone says Jesus didn't exist, ask them what year it is.
-It's not my fault I'm homophobic. I was just born this way.
-If a woman is dumb enough to get pregnant when she's not ready (except for rape cases, of course), then why is it assumed she can make responsible "choices?"
-We'd probably have less illegal immigration if we treated illegal immigrants like criminals instead of treating them like puppies that have gotten lost.
-At this point in the book, there is a cartoon I drew that I feel I should describe (I can't post images with the free version of Blogger, so get your mental visualizing skills ready). It is a one panel cartoon split into two sides. On one side, there is a guy wearing a hat that says "Dean '04," a button that says "Buck Fush," and a shirt with the American flag and one of those "no" lines across it (like "no smoking") and the words "vive le France" written across the bottom. He is angrily looking at the reader and saying, "The war in Iraq is a war against Islam! Why can't you leave other cultures alone, you racist bigots?!" On the other side, the same guy is shaking his fist at a Ten Commandments monument and saying, "Don't force your religious beliefs on me, you fundamentalist bigots!" Below the panel is a caption that reads, "Classic examples of liberal tolerance." This just shows how inconsistent certain members of the left can be.
-It's easy to identify a Monty Python poser. If you say you like Monty Python, and the other person says something like, "I love that movie," they're probably not a real big fan.
-Contrary to what some may say, people today tend to believe in religion, but not God. Religion of any kind is seen as a shot of spiritual adrenalin and a feel-good blues remedy, while God is seen as an old-fashioned intolerant bigot who doesn't want people to enjoy their lives. Example: "God answers prayers and sends people to Heaven when they die? That's great! He must...wait, he'll send me to hell if I don't believe that his son died for me? What a jerk! I'm gonna convert to Buddhism!"
-Homosexuals used to want people out of their bedrooms. These days, it seems they want to give people a free tour with souvenirs.
-Canadian liberals are crazier than American liberals.
-Assuming that someone is a racist because they're white makes you a racist.
-"Diversity" is a code word for liberal racism.

Wow, my longest post yet. Hopefully, I have now offended everyone with even a tiny bit of left-leaning ideology. Once again, these views are MINE! Not yours, MINE! I hope you agree with some of them, but since popular people tend to be wrong, I hope you also disagree with a few. I just thought it was kind of pointless having all this stuff sitting in a book with nobody reading it. I was actually planning on making it into a real book someday, but this is a lot easier. As I write more entries, I will post them on the blog. I will also continue posting journal entries, reviews, and various essays and rants. I will probably also select certain BOSIT entries and write essays about what they mean, etc. I will once again remind you that reading my blog is not the best way to use your free time, so please don't get carried away. I'm actually supposed to be reading a book for my sociology class right now, so I'm not even doing this in MY free time. Keep checking back, and don't let the lefties brainwash you.

From the Book of Semi-Intelligent Thoughts 

I will now post some entries from the BOSIT. I will be posting these periodically as time goes on, with explanations for some of them (these will probably come later). I have been writing in this book since 2001, although most of the entries are from the past 6 months. I will not be including the original date of the entries because any outdated ones will not be included. I will probably post these about 10 or 15 at a time until I've gone through the book. Again, if you disagree with anything, that's your right, but please don't send me hate mail (if you send hate mail to a pathetic site like this, you probably have an inferiority complex) or take anything really seriously. These are just my views on life, and some actually don't really give a perspective, they're just observations. In addition, this is not the complete BOSIT. I'm ommitting anything that's incredibly stupid, and there are a lot of pointless entries that don't need to be here. Any posted entry is one I thought was worthy of reading. And now, without further ado, here is the first series of semi-intelligent thougths:

-If people didn't exist, there would be no characters.
-If you let a smile be your umbrella, it'll eventually get struck by lightning.
-Suicide isn't always immediate or intentional.
-Radio commercials are the worst kind of advertising. If I have to listen to people with annoying voices trying to sell me things I don't need, I at least want to know what they look like so I can punch them in the face if I ever see them.
-If it's wrong to give Ritalin to people with mental disorders, then it must also be wrong to give wheelchairs to people with physical disorders.
-If affirmative action is supposed to make up for mistreatment of past generations, then I want my payment for persecution of Protestants during the Reformation. I want my Reformation reparations! Pay up, John Paul!
-The only way a movie could be "the one you can't afford to miss" is if there's a fine for not seeing it.
-The best souvenirs in life are free.
-If a loving God has to let people get away with everything and let all people into Heaven, then the best parents must be the ones who let their kids take the car out on weekends and go to bars and strip clubs with a fake ID, and then don't ask questions the next morning.

That was actually a pretty good sampling of entries all the way up to last May. I wrote a ton of entries over the summer, so I'll be posting those later. In fact, I'll probably just post them today, since I'm kind of an impatient guy. I just don't want to be out of material on my third day as a blogger. Again, there are a lot of entries in between that I didn't need to include, such as "Dave Grohl looks like a horse," "there is no spoon," and "there is a spoon (written on April fool's day)." Keep checking for more, and be ready for my first CD review. Later.

Links 

Today has been an interesting day so far. Band practice started at 9:00, and I woke up at...drum roll please...8:56! I had to run as fast as humanly possible down the stairs (I live at the top of a huge frickin' hill), but I managed to get there by 9:15 before they actually started playing. I'm a little annoyed right now because it looks like our pregame pep rally is going to get rained out today, and my parents are coming, so they probably won't get to see it. Okay, now that I've wasted a couple minutes of your time, here is the next official post to SIT. I'm posting links here to some of the websites I visit on a regular basis or highly recommend. I may add more in the future, so keep checking back. Here we go:

Right Wing News The website of John Hawkins, one of the best conservative bloggers on the net. I strongly disagree with his view that dogs are better than cats, but most of his other stuff is great. Be sure to check out the links on this page.
Newsmax If you want to keep up with current events, but you don't want a bunch of left wing lunatics telling you that America sucks, check out this page. The editorial archive is huge, and they have transcripts from late-night talk show monologues.
Evidence for God from Science Do you think Christianity is anti-intellectual? You may be surprised by what Richard Deem has to say about it. This site provides a very strong case for Biblical Christianity. I would probably be an agnostic if I hadn't found it!
Sword and Spirit Another Christian apologetics site, this one has some tracts and things you can read if you still aren't convinced that Christianity rules. Be sure to go to their humor section and track down "Proof of the Punch," a satirical piece I submitted to them a few months ago (I also wrote it, by the way). They have some good links as well.
Reasons to Believe The website of Hugh Ross, a Christian astrophysicist who inspired the two sites listed above. This page has tons of information on intelligent design, evolution, and why the universe really is 15 billion years old.
Stand to Reason Another great Christian apologetics site (did I mention I'm a Christian? I may have forgotten to mention that). Greg Koukl answers questions and gives commentaries about theology, philosophy, ethics, social issues, and much more. Don't forget to download the radio shows.
Syracuse University Check out all the information on my college of choice and see why SU is the best university in America.
Creed's official website Although they've had some problems lately, Creed is one of the best rock bands around today, and they're my personal favorite. There's nothing new on the site, but you should still check it out.
Nickelback's official website Another great post-grunge band, Nickelback has a brand new CD (which I will be reviewing soon), and their website has a lot of good stuff.
The official website of 3 Doors Down Yet another awesome band, 3DD is on tour right now, but their site is pretty good.
The official website of Trust Company Trust Company is a very good band that everyone should hear. I've had the song "Downfall" stuck in my head for the past month, and I'm still not tired of it. Their drummer is pretty good, too. Plus, they're recording a new album right now. I'm looking forward to that.

That's all I'll post for right now. I may add more in the future, but those are the really important ones. For the rest of the weekend, I'll be posting stuff from my book of semi-intelligent thoughts, and I'll review Nickelback's new CD as soon as I've heard it a couple times. Surf wisely.

One More Thing 

Tomorrow, I will post links to some of my favorite sites if I can figure out how to do that. Just thought I should let you know. Also, I'm getting Nickelback's new CD, "The Long Road" from my parents when they come to the football game, so I'll post a review by the end of the weekend, even though NB will be older than the Rolling Stones by the time anyone reads this. I should go to sleep now. Remember, it's not good to live in a dumpster, children.

Grammar Which Be Not Well 

This is the first post from my book of semi-intelligent thoughts. It's a list of grammatical errors people make, and why they're annoying. By the way, if you look at this list and think to yourself, "hey, what's wrong with those?" then please retake your elementary school English class. Here goes nothing:
-Where it's at, etc.
-Reesees peesees
-expecially/excape
-Antartica
-anyways
-eye-ther
-off-ten
-so DO I/so DID I/so AM I, etc. (caps=emphasis in pronunciation)
-nucular
-"everyday" used where "every day" should be
-confrontate (thanks, Jack Osbourne)
-mischievious
-"can I axe you a question?"
-using "itch" instead of "scratch" ex. "I can't stop itching these bugbites!"
-heighth
-saying "minus" instead of "subtract"
-excetera
-expresso
-drownd
-'nother is not a real word
-besides the point
-would of/could of/should of
-"verse" instead of "versus"
-confusing "their" and "they're"
-using "and" instead of "an" (and vice versa)
-visa versa
-apostrophes do not make words plural!!!!!

There. That should do it. I actually came up with a couple of those as I was writing, so it's not the exact same list that's in my book, but you get the idea. I have to get up at 8:15 tomorrow for marching band practice, so I really shouldn't still be up now. Tomorrow, I'll post some more stuff from my book and possibly a journal entry or two (I'll be putting those on here too; I said there was no point, right?) Keep checking back for updates. Go Orange!

Reasons for the site 

Okay, that purple monkey dishwasher crap was retarded, but since nobody reads this, who cares? Anyway, I thought I'd provide a more thorough explanation of this page in case somebody goes searching the far corners of the Internet in 10 years and wants to know what it's all about. Once again, if you're actually reading this, something is probably wrong with you. The first step to solving any problem is admitting you have a problem. I'm off topic, so I'll now utilize the ancient Scandinavian mind control technique of beginning a new paragraph.
Well, apparently when you write a post with Blogger, you can't start a new paragraph with the tab key because it moves you to the next field. That's frickin' stupid. Seriously. Now that that's taken care of, back to the post. This blog exists because I wanted a blog. I said that before, but it's the real reason. I've been reading a lot of them lately, and I decided it would be cool to have my own. As for the specific purpose, I've explained that there's no real point, but there is sort of a guiding force behind it, which I will now explain in terms you can understand...unless you're illiterate...in which case...you couldn't tell if I called you...AN ILLITERATE FOOL! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Once again, I'm off topic. Did I mention I have ADD? That's why I'm off topic so much. I guess I could just delete the extra stuff, but I think it's entertaining. It's called stream of consciousness writing. I'm really going to explain the blog in this paragraph! Don't leave yet! Hey, I said don't leave, you ungrateful ingrate!!!! There, was that so hard? Now, the blog is called "Semi-Intelligent Thoughts" for a reason. I have a book that I write in occasionally, which I call my "book of semi-intelligent thoughts," and it contains random philosophical ramblings, rants on various topics, and a few cartoons and things that I drew in my spare time. I decided to name my blog after the book and turn it into an extension of the book on the web. I will soon be posting several of the quotes from my BOSIT (that's another acronym, but it doesn't spell a real word) with explanations and such. Other things will come in the future. I'll start off by posting a list I've compiled of grammatical mistakes people make way too often, and I'll go from there. Again, if anyone is actually reading this, I really hope you could be doing something more productive, but thanks for reading it anyway. Also, I just previewed my post, and it didn't contain my paragraph breaks, so I'm going to remove them now.

Random Information 

In Spanish, the phrase "purple monkey dishwasher" becomes "mono morado lavaplatos." Just thought you'd like to know.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

I have a blog! Fear me! 

This is the first official post to Semi-Intelligent Thoughts, or SIT (that's called an acronym). I am aware that I am the only person who will read this page, but who knows, maybe I'll get a couple of other people one of these years. If you are reading this and you are not me, then you should ask yourself how you ended up on such a pointless page, retrace the steps in your life that brought you to this point, and promptly remedy the situation, preferably with lots of expensive therapy. If you actually want to read the posts, you should know that this page has absolutely no point. It will simply contain random thoughts that I come up with in my free time (which isn't really free, since I'm a college freshman) and various other useless bits of information. Why am I doing this, you ask? Because I can. What other reason do I need? I wanted a blog, I got a blog, everybody's happy. Especially me. Also keep in mind that I am not doing this for anyone except myself, so if you are actually reading this, don't take it too seriously. If you disagree with any opinions I post, that's your right. If you agree with me, as unlikely as that is, then that's also fine. I have no intention of becoming a famous blogger or attracting a significant number of readers. I'm not even making the page public until I get more posts...posted. So, in conclusion, this is mine, not yours, mine, and I'm mostly making it for my own amusement. There is no theme to the page, although it will eventually include random commentaries and other ramblings and rants that have spewed from my strange mind. Finally, if you really do care, here is some information about me.
-NAME: Chris
-AGE: 18
-HOMETOWN: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
-OCCUPATION: Freshman at Syracuse University, TV/Radio/Film major
-HOBBIES: Making pointless blogs like this, playing drums (bass drummer in the SUMB, hoping to start a rock band at some point), writing, songwriting, videography, procrastination
-RELIGION: Protestant Christian
-POLITICAL VIEWS: Conservative Republican, and don't you forget it!
-FAVORITE BANDS: Creed, 3 Doors Down, Nickelback, Trust Company, Staind, Hoobastank, Theory of a Deadman, Default, 12 Stones, Matchbox Twenty
-FAVORITE SPORT: Hockey
-FAVORITE TV SHOW: The Simpsons
-FAVORITE MOVIE: Gettysburg
-FAVORITE MONTY PYTHON SKETCH: Argument Clinic
-FAVORITE COLORS: Orange and green (hence the color scheme of the site)
There. You know some things about me. Keep checking for more stuff. This post will self-destruct in 9 seconds. Have a nice day.




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