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Saturday, November 15, 2003

Why? 

Simple title, complicated explanation. I'm extremely angry right now, and I need to vent. There was (and probably still is) a drumline party tonight, and I wanted to go, but I didn't know where the place was. To solve that problem, I emailed someone, and she said she would get me a ride. That's all she said, so I emailed her back about 7 hours ago and asked when said ride would be here. Then I waited...and waited...and waited...and waited...and I got no response. I didn't want to just give up though, so I looked at the original email informing us of the party, and it said to be there around 9:45 or 10, so I figured that if I stood in front of my dorm around 9:45, they would see me when they got here. I just stood out there in the FREEZING COLD AIR for half an hour, and nobody showed up. IT WAS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME! I can't even type at full speed right now because my hands are still cold. And now, to make matters worse, my roommate and some friends are going to a different party and asked me if I wanted to come, but they're walking, so I said no. I have no intention of going back outside tonight. It's Syracuse, New York, it's November, it's been snowing for the past couple days, and it's about 25 degrees outside right now. I don't want to be out there anymore. Now, they're gone, and I'm up in my room all alone for about the 10th Saturday night in a row. Am I destined to have no social life, or do I just not plan these things well? I thought maybe whoever was giving me a ride showed up at 9:30 and left when I didn't come out, but it seems like they would've waited a bit longer than that. I don't understand this at all. How hard is it to check your email to see if someone needs a ride? If you tell me that I'll already HAVE a ride coming, then you don't bother to tell me WHEN, I assume that you'll adjust to my schedule because I have no idea when to show up. I really don't think I'll be able to trust these people from now on. This is crap. All right, I have to continue my antisocial existence elsewhere on the web now. Sorry if I depressed you.

Google Uniqueness Achieved 

I am currently the ONLY search result when you Google the phrase "puppy pureeing hobo hunter" (even without the quotes), and if you don't believe me, see for yourself! I feel so proud of myself. Also, I'm thinking of starting a filthy lie saying that Glenn Reynolds tortures hamsters. What do you think?

Another DU Fisking: Part 5  

It's time for the final edition of this DU Fisking! I'm going to cover the last two sections of the article here, and then I'll sum up the whole thing. I realize this isn't exactly the best Fisking ever, but I really couldn't let an article this good go to waste. To quote Sideshow Bob: "And now, the final curtain:"
DIRTY TRICKS AND COMPUTER-VOTING
All signs point at this stage to yet another extremely close election in 2004. Which means that, once again, we can anticipate dirty tricks being employed in numerous large electoral-vote states...
You mean like only recounting the votes in highly Democratic districts and claiming the the electoral college is irrelevant?
...- last time in Florida, more than 90,000 voters were illegally purged from the roles in advance of the balloting, and similar ploys may be tried this time in several key states. In addition, the potential computer-voting scandal could well become actual.
"The U.S. population would NEVER elect a Republican president if the votes were counted fairly, but since the average American is a dimwitted sheep who needs heroic liberals to safeguard the ballots, we must do our Democratic duty! Remember, if Bush wins, he must've cheated, because only big corporations and paranoid NRA members vote Republican!"
If several thousand votes could determine elections in those key states, it is not outside the realm of possibility that the vote-counting computer software could be fiddled with to determine the winner.
IT'S A VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY, I TELLS YA!
As mainstream press outlets finally are starting to report...
I thought the mainstream press outlets were cheerleaders for the administration.
...those computer-voting software codes are mainly controlled by three major Republician-supporting corporations - the CEO of one of those companies, Diebold, promised to "deliver" Ohio to Bush in 2004 - and they refuse to permit examination of those codes by outside inspectors.
I'm glad you're so willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Reason enough to push for paper ballots for the 2004 election, counted by hand...
Having...dimpled...chad...flashbacks!
...computer-voting technology is simply too new and too open to manipulation. A journalist recently demonstrated how easy it is to enter into the machines, manipulate the tally numbers, and exit without leaving any trace of having even been inside the system.
In other words, he voted Republican.
There is some evidence to suggest that such vote-tampering may have taken place in the 2002 elections in key states.
The evidence? Republicans are still in power!
Given how close the 2004 vote might be, and the built-in problems with the vote-counting software, it is incumbent on all of us interested in the democratic process...
I'm sure he meant to use a capital D.
...to lean on our state and county election officials not to certify those touch-screen computer-balloting machines until the software codes can be certified and until a paper-trail of votes cast can be built into the process.
Translation: Keep recounting the votes until it looks like the Democrat has more.
For more information on all this, see the Electoral Integrity file on The Crisis Papers, and Congressman Rush Holt's bill on computer-voting.
Weren't they all complaining about paper voting last time anyway? Something about chads and arrows and misleading ballots and old people and minorities and...I forgot what I was talking about.
DEFEAT IS UNACCEPTABLE
It is possible to defeat Bush in 2004...
Vive la revolucion!
...but, from this moment on, it will take lots of time, money, energy and determination.
And miracles. Lots of miracles.
Once the Dems choose the nominee, it's full speed ahead in terms of mobilization, signing up new voters, working for the candidate, insisting on demonstrably fair vote-tallying, etc. Without this kind of massive activism and determination, we could lose.
COULD? COULD? I think it's a little more likely than that.
If Bush gets elected in 2004, the world and our country are in for policies too awful to contemplate.
Notice the use of the phrase "too awful to contemplate," then note the description and therefore contemplation of said policies below. Way to be consistent.
There would be more "preventive" wars...
"Death to Iraqi civilians...Crap! Did I say that out loud too?"
...more imperialist aggression, more terrorist responses.
Because 9-11 was obviously a response to Clinton's jingoistic foreign policy.
Domestically, there is no telling what would happen to our fragile, time-honored Constitution...
We may actually have to take it literally!
...to our civil liberties...
How dare you point out flaws in my arguments, you fascists!
...to our economy...
"If poor people get jobs, it will prove that they don't need welfare anymore! Then we won't be able to give them handouts to create the illusion of compassion!"
...to our air and water...
Which would otherwise be full of anthrax.
...to our schools and kids...
They might learn how to think instead of what to think!
...to all sorts of helpful social programs. And to our sense of ourselves as a moral, democratic society.
"Because it's only a democratic society with a Democratic president, and morals are whatever we say they are based on our interpretation of the Constitution, the Bible, and the universe itself, and if you don't agree with us, you're an anachronistic, intolerant, bigoted neanderthal."
Let's get to work. Now.
Either he meant to say "Let's get to work, N.O.W.," or he's admitting that people can work for themselves. Take your pick.

Wow, that was a long one. I'll admit that I still tried to take more of a comedic/satirical approach to it, but it's hard to take these people seriously. They continuously make accusations, but they never back them up with facts. He does have a point, though. As soon as the Democratic hopefuls can show the Bush has actually done all the things they claim he has, they will have a good chance of winning.

So much for the Democrats.

No Connections between Iraq and Al Qaeda? THINK AGAIN! 

Awwww, the poow widdle wibewals have to come up with another excuse to bash Bush. AWWWWWWWW.... I know a lot of bloggers with much more influence than me are linking to this, but I feel I need to do my patriotic duty and bring it to the attention of the five people who read SIT, so here it is: Saddam-Osama Link Read it immediately if you haven't already. Also, go to The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler for some great discussion on the infinite idiocy of Ted Kennedy. Murderous hypocrite.

Showcase Votes 

I decided to cast my votes now so I wouldn't forget. Here we go:

In the political category, eTALKINGHEAD a post about the idiocy of Al Gore entitled The misleading statements of a misleading misleader.

In the non-political category, Ruminations in Korea has entered what may be the best non-political post so far. A Blessing and a Curse shows that people may only be nice to each other if they're afraid of the consequences of doing otherwise. It really made me think, and it will do the same for you.

These are some really great entries. Check 'em both out now, then come back to SIT for the conclusion of the Fisk-a-thon.

Another DU Fisking: Part 4 

All right, I'm back once again. It's Saturday afternoon, and I just got about 9 and a half hours of sleep, so I'm set to Fisk another section of a hilarious Democratic Underground article. Last time, I covered the section entitled "The Democrats." Most of my responses were meant to be more humorous than convincing, so I really didn't do that much, but this next section is such an easy target, I almost feel guilty exposing it. Anyway, here it is:
A WINNING CAMPAIGN
The focus now should be on getting a Democrat of principle nominated as a result of the primaries, one who can win the general election next November.
Captain Obvious saves the day once again.
That's why the current debates are so helpful, in laying out the policies and personalities of the various contenders - as long as those debates don't degenerate into political bloodletting instead of focusing on the opposition to Bush and his reckless policies.
Too late.
There are, I believe, three keys to a winning campaign:
1. All abstractions must be tied to the real lives of American citizens. You can't just say the U.S. is less secure as a result of Bush policy, you have to show how our lives are less secure, with examples.
Something that you and your candidates have completely failed to do so far, I might add.
You can't just talk in generalizations about job-losses and fears of job-losses, you have to demonstrate how and why those jobs disappeared, and which new ones are likely to disappear unless we have a shift in economic policy.
In other words, you have to lie and invent statistics.
You can't just say the wealthy got huge tax breaks and the middle-class got next to nothing, you have to provide the figures and explain what those figures mean.
The middle class got plenty. Stop whining.
You can't just bash Bush for turning pollution-control over to the polluting corporations, you have to show how that capitulation will raise disease and death rates in various communities. Etc.
THE EVIL CORPORATIONS ARE COMING TO KILL US ALL WITH TINY INSIGNIFICANT QUANTITIES OF ARSENIC! THEY WANT TO EAT YOUR CHILDREN (I seem to have gotten carried away again)!
2. Democrats can't let the Republicans seem to have a patent on security issues in this campaign.
They're doing a pretty good job so far.
Americans, with good reason, are fearful and want to feel more secure for themselves and their children. The Democrats have to have specific plans for enhancing the security of the U.S. - including full funding for states and localities to put into place their emergency haz-mat systems, with all the supplies they need...
I thought there was no threat from chemical weapons! Wasn't it all a lie from the Shrubya administration? Make up your tiny minds!
...without having to resort to shredding the Constitutional due-process guarantees that make our governmental system so admired around the world.
Didn't you say earlier that most of the world hates our government? You lefties just don't care when contradictions come up, do you? I'm surprised you support Kucinich and not Dean or Clark.
3. The Democrats need to have a plan to defuse the two most dangerous military hot spots on the globe: Iraq and Israel/Palestine. If the U.S., under a new administration, can go back to the U.N. and assert its willingness to share power in the Iraq reconstruction phase...
"We can get back to letting Saddam Hussein slaughter innocent people as quickly as possible! Uh-oh...did I say that out loud?"
...it might actually be able to repair the damage done by the Bush Administration's unilateralist tendency to insult and humiliate others.
Using the U.N. to avoid humiliation? That's ironic.
Many nations might be more willing to donate peacekeeping troops and money to the cause, and, under an international banner, many Iraqis might be more willing to acknowledge the legitimacy of the world effort rather than to see the U.S. for the arrogant occupation force that it is.
The only people that see the U.S. as an arrogant occupation force are Saddam loyalists and radical Democrats! When will you realize that? Seriously, Dubya is trying to hand over Iraq, but we have to kill the people who are blowing up buildings every other day first. It's called war, genius.
And if the U.S. can move forcefully to help implement a fair peace settlement in the Middle East - security for the Israelis, a viable contiguous state for the Palestinians, end of the Occupation and abandoning the Israeli settlements on Arab land, an internationalized Jerusalem, etc. - much of the tension would recede in that incendiary area of the world, and better relations would ensue with Islamic countries.
Wow, I didn't realize it was that simple! All we have to do in order to end thousands of years worth of fighting is be nice to them! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside! This is stupid. Israelis and Palestinians want each other dead. You have to keep them away from each other (insert "Come Out and Play" by The Offspring) or there's going to be violence. You can't have an internationalized anything that mixes Jews and Muslims...except for the U.S., which you seem to hate so much.

Only one more section to go! Are you excited? Probably not. Anyway, the final sections are called "Dirty Tricks and Computer Voting" and "Defeat is Unacceptable," respectively. Those should be fun. I'll have the Fisk-a-thon completed by the end of the day, so keep checking back for more.

Friday, November 14, 2003

A Detailed Accusation of Fascism 

I was surfing liberal blogs for potential material, and I found something really interesting. Someone has actually made a detailed case for why our country is moving toward fascism. The only problem is the fact that it places the blame on the wrong people, exaggerates the characteristics of true fascism, and ignores the fact that there is plenty of dissent (like the article itself). It also makes the classic case that the media have been frightened into supporting Bush, despite the fact that they've done everything they can to undermine his presidency. You absolutely HAVE to read this.
Creeping Fascism
Look for that title if you aren't taken directly to the post. There's some other interesting stuff on that blog too, so you might want to stay there after reading the fascism article.

Another DU Fisking: Part 3 

I don't seem to be getting many hits (probably because it's Friday night), so I'll go ahead and add something new. I've already Fisked the first couple parts of the DU article in question (go to part 1 for link), and now we come to the section entitled "The Democrats." Be prepared for moonbattery and occasional tinfoil-hattery (I'm really wearing out those stereotypes). Let's get started:
THE DEMOCRATS
It would appear that, even with the mass-media being cheerleaders for the Republican Party and attack-dogs against leading Democratic contenders...
Didn't I already laugh at you for saying that? Oh, well...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
...the Democrats can count on a solid 40% of the voters, who are appalled at what Bush&Co. have done to American national-interests abroad - making us less, not more, secure - and to the economy and civil liberties at home.
Let's review this statement: Eliminating a threat to America and humanity in general makes us less secure, an improving economy is bad, and our civil liberties are being threatened despite the fact that NOBODY CAN EVER CITE ONE SPECIFIC EXAMPLE!!!!!
All over this country, Dem voters have indicated that they will, if necessary, hold their noses and vote for whatever reasonable candidate the party puts forward, even if they might disagree with aspects of that candidate's program.
You hear that, Democratic candidates? Even your own party doesn't like you. This supports my theory that the people who write this kind of article haven't even examined Dubya's policies. They just assume that, because he's a Republican, he must be EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL! Democracy at its finest.
And large segments of Greens likewise have expressed a desire not to repeat the political disaster of 2000 by running a name-candidate for president, and will go along, for the public good, by voting for the Democrat.
Yes, because the Green Party has been such a political threat in the last few elections....idiots...
(But many would-be Democratic voters are turned off by the cowardly enabling of the Dems in Congress, who have a tendency to roll over whenever push comes to shove on key issues, such as giving Bush a blank check to launch his Iraq war, and then, just recently, approving everything he wanted in his $87 billion package for that war. Not a good sign.)
More waffling! Is it a blank check, or is it $87 billion? It can't be both! Anyway, why should we hold the Dems personally responsible for "rolling over?" The fascist warmongering Republicans threatened their dissent! What could they do? I want to add one more note here: this section would've been so much better had the author used the phrase "when Bush comes to shove." Wouldn't that have been more effective?
If the Republicans and Democrats already have 80% of the vote locked up, that means, as usual, that the election will be decided by the 20% of voters in the middle. Many in that group are independents, libertarians, disaffected moderate-conservatives and small-government rightwingers/isolationists who are outraged at having their party hijacked by let's-have-a-war types and Big Brother neo-fascists.
Big Brother neo-fascists? Isn't this coming from people who want the government to say "GIVE US MORE MONEY" every time there's a flaw in society? The next time someone forgets that fascists reside on the left side of the political spectrum, I will find a way to make bad things happen to them.
Also in that tappable middle are mad-as-hell veterans, and disgruntled soldiers and their families - angered by the incompetency and militarist arrogance that are getting them and their loved ones killed and wounded for what appear to be questionable ends.
They only appear to be questionable ends if you look at the world through blue-shaded Bush-hatin' lenses. Sane people realize that letting Hussein continue his reign of terror and murder would be one of the most irresponsible decisions in the history of civilization. 300,000. Have you seen that number? 300,000 Iraqis (and that's just a fraction of the total) compared to less than 400 Americans. Do the math.
If the Democrats run an elitist-type campaign without taking those voters' concerns into consideration, they will lose.
Well, so much for their campaigns.
If they can make the citizenry understand that Bush-led Republicans are out-of-the-mainstream extremists...
I think there's a cliche in here somewhere involving a pot and a kettle.
...who are endangering America's security and the U.S. economy...
By killing our enemies and making more money.
...- including such popular programs as Medicare, Social Security, Head Start, and giving short shrift to the educational system and America's decaying infrastructure...
I think I already mentioned how effective the left has been in destroying education, and if the infrastructure is decaying, how will changing the president in the middle of a war help anyone?
...- they have a good chance to win.
Insert "Dream On" by Aerosmith. Laugh loudly. Repeat as necessary.

I wish I could post more, but I don't want to make this too long. There are a couple other sections, so I'll probably need 2 more posts to finish. I may do one more tonight.

And Now, For Something Completely Different 

I really don't know why I'm posting this in the midst of my Fisk-a-thon, but I was thinking about blogs with names like "Nuns with Nuts" and "Geeks with Guns," and it somehow inspired me to make a new list. Here is a list of animals for each letter of the alphabet, followed by a word that starts with the same letter as the animal name. I tried to use some kind of weapon for as many as possible (don't ask why).

ANIMAL ALLITERATION
Aardvarks with Arrows
Bats with Bombs
Crabs with Cannons
Donkeys with Detonators
Emus with Emoticons
Flamingos with Flamethrowers
Goats with Grenades
Hyenas with Hydrogen Bombs
Ibexes with iMacs
Jackrabbits with Javelins
Koalas with K-nives
Llamas with Lawsuits
Monkeys with Machetes
(TBA when I think of an animal name that begins with N)
Ocelots with Optometrists
Parrots with Pencils
Quails with Quagmires
Rhinos with Rocks
Salamanders with Slingshots
Toads with Tazers
Ungulates with Umbrellas
Vultures with Violins
Wallabies with Water Balloons
Don't make me come up with one for X.
Yetis with yardsticks
Zooplankton with Zoning Permits (you thought I would use zebras, didn't you?)

Wow, that was the strangest thing I've posted so far. I may change these if I think of better ones. Feel free to contribute your own ideas in the comments. Sorry if you think this is really stupid, but I needed to post another humorous list. I haven't written a good one since the first week of blogging.



Another DU Fisking: Part 2 

Okay, I'm back for part 2 of another exciting Fisking of the moonbats at Democratic Underground. Part 1 and a link to the original article can be found directly below this post. When we last left our misinformed friend, he was talking about how Democrats need to focus more on bashing Dubya rather than each other. Now, we come to the second half of the article, and a section entitled "The Issues." Let's begin:
I'm guessing that the central issues for the Democratic primary will be the war in Iraq (the lies and manipulations that got us in there and that wrong-headedly keep our troops quagmired there, with the U.S. isolated and hated in much of the Muslim world, Europe and elsewhere);
Wow, that was so original. "Bush is a liar! Bush manipulated us! Everybody hates us!" My favorite part of this is the fact that he thinks "quagmired" is a word. I don't know if anyone out there is a Homestar Runner fan, but I can just see that in an episode of "Teen Girl Sqad." Teen Girl #1: "Let's get some new clothes...oh no! I'm in Iraq!" Strong Bad: "QUAGMIRED!!!!" (sorry if you don't understand this allusion). By the way, the Muslim world hated us long before Bush came along, and nobody cares what Europe thinks.
...the shaky employment situation;
Somebody hasn't been reading the news...
...and the lack of funds to maintain popular social programs because Bush&Co. are spending away the treasury on war and security issues, thus saddling our kids and grandkids with humungous debt and bankrupting popular social programs in the process.
What social programs? Welfare? Affirmative action? "Oh no, if we defend our country, some people may actually have to work for themselves! NOOOOOOO!!!!!
This, while giving generous tax breaks to the already-wealthy, providing little or nothing to the strapped middle-class, and leaving plenty of children behind with their education scam.
Interesting. I seem to remember that everyone got a tax cut and the rich already pay a majority of taxes in the country. Here's a fun fact: One of the most recent tax cut programs (I forget what it was) only helped the lower class. My parents apparently didn't get anything from it because they make too much money. And my family is middle-class! Isn't that bizarre? Now, as for the "education scam," the only one I can think of is the plot to indoctrinate children into your relativistic belief system where only right wing ideals can be criticized and everyone is equal, but some groups still need a helping hand. If schools aren't doing well, don't blame the friggin' president. You could start by teaching facts instead of "tolerance."
It's also possible that several major Bush scandals will come to a ripe head prior to the election: 9/11 pre-knowledge (still being stonewalled by the Administration)...
Read Losing Bin Laden and tell me it was all Dubya's fault.
...the felonious outing by "senior Administration officials" of a covert CIA agent as a form of revenge politics, the gross lying by the Administration about the toxicity of the air in New York for months after the 9/11 attacks...
I'm sure knowing that the air quality was bad would've helped fix it. Did anyone ever even bother to ask them, or are you just assuming it was a coverup?
...Cheney's secret energy report still kept hidden away from public view...
Then how do you know about it?
...and the appalling treatment of soldiers and veterans by an administration that pretends to be a dear friend of the military.
We can't send SOLDIERS to WAR! Actually, if he's referring to the denial of compensation to Desert Storm veterans who were captured and tortured, I may agree with him on this one. That's a little scary.
THE REPUBLICANS
Bush, as in the 2000 election, has about a solid 40% base to start with - die-hard conservatives, Christian fundamentalists, angry Southern white men, etc. - who might normally be counted on to stick with him no matter whom the Democrats select as their nominee.
That was another great example of liberal tolerance. There are actually a lot of these people who would vote for a Democrat if Democrats didn't PERSONALLY INSULT THEM IN PUBLIC (Howard Dean).
So he cannot afford to alienate this base, and will continue to throw them red-meat: playing to the religious right (thus no overt sanctions for the anti-Muslim ravings of Christian zealot Gen. Boykin)...
Double-standard alert! "Let's fight anti-Islamism by calling Christians raving religious zealots! Hypocritical? They're just Christians! They deserve it! Not like peace-loving, tolerant Muslims!"
...nominating extremist judges that won't and can't be confirmed by the Senate...
You heard it here first, folks! Conservative judges are extremist, but unconstitutionally filibustering their appointment isn't!
...ratcheting up the patriotic themes, harping on gun-control and abortion and gay marriages.
"You can't cover the issues! What kind of president are you? Gun control, abortion, and gay marriage are wrong? How dare you have an opinion contrary to ours!"
Bush will count on the war situation not deteriorating much further in Iraq, and an economy that gives preliminary evidence of bouncing back.
And how exactly does this help Democrats?
Somehow, he's got to neutralize the jobs issue, the fact that 3,000,000 Americans have lost their jobs since his inauguration.
"And he's personally responsible for every single one, just like he personally executed every death row inmate in Texas!"
How he does this will be most interesting, since so many jobs have been "outsourced" abroad, especially in the high-paying tech fields, and will not be returning to the United States. The "economy" may indeed be improving for some, but the lack of well-paying jobs - and the general insecurity about keeping one's employment - could be the economic albatross around his neck. It's the jobs, stupid.
Contrasting...evidence...making...brain....hurt! Are there no jobs, or are there no well paying jobs? I thought making large amounts of money was a bad thing! If we have too many rich people, they'll get tax cuts, and then the government won't have enough money to redistribute among the lower classes and (insert random Marxist rambling here). And what's with using yet another set of scare quotes around "economy?" Are you saying that the economy ceases to be authentic if it actually improves? I guess that wouldn't fit well into the liberal paradigm.
The neo-con philosophy undergirding Bush foreign/military policy - as was emphasized openly by Bush in his recent major address on the need for Arab democratization - requires more arrogant bullying, especially in the Islamic Middle East, perhaps even more wars. But, unless Bush and his advisors are absolutely nuts, there will be no invasions before the election.
I knew it! They just see war as a political tool. "It's all a plot to get reelected! It has nothing to do with the 300,000 people buried in mass graves and the chemical weapons!" Who exactly are we "bullying," by the way? If we're democratizing, then by definition we're trying to let the Iraqis run their own government. We just have to find Saddam Hussein and subject him to an extremely cruel and painful demise first...or would that be too arrogant for you?
On the other hand, you never know with these guys; they may figure that the American citizenry wouldn't want to change electoral horses in the middle of a full-fledged war - and some incident always could be found to justify an attack on Syria or Somalia or elsewhere: "aiding and abetting the opposition in Iraq," "hiding al-Qaida cells," maybe even "caches of WMD."
"And furthermore, Pearl Harbor and the Holocaust were just incidents used to justify our involvement in WWII! 9-11 was an incident used to justify invading Afghanistan! LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES!"
Those worked once, thanks to a quiescent press...
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA....oh, you were serious? ... ...HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
...and lots of lying...
"Saddam said he didn't have WMD, and Bush said he did...so Saddam must have been right!"
...so maybe they figure they can get away with it again. (A risky strategy, as the approval of Bush war policy in Iraq is way down these days since the populace seems to have cottoned to how they were manipulated into a war that threatens to have no end other than a Vietnam-like tragedy.)
"Tragedy (n): The result of bringing democracy to an oppressed nation and making the world safe with minimal casualties." This has been an entry from the Democratic Dictionary.

I think that's enough for now. I'll be back again later to continue with the next section, entitled "The Democrats." That should be fun. By the way, if you think this Fisking didn't appear too well-researched...you're pretty much right. I prefer to refute the more obvious errors in cases like this.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Another DU Fisking, Anyone? 

I know they're an easy target, but I was bored and couldn't let this one go. It's a huge article, so I can't respond to the whole thing (although you can read it and draw your own conclusions here, but I really need to Fisk something, so I'll pick my favorite sections. This may take up too much space, but bear with me. By the way, I learned how to use block quotes today, so I'll be testing out my new skill here. Let's begin:
Handicapping the 2004 Race: Wazzup, Democrats?
November 13, 2003
By Bernard Weiner, The Crisis Papers
Twelve months from now, the most important American presidential election since the Depression will take place. It will determine whether the country continues its imperial warring abroad - the next potential targets appear to be Syria and Iran - and whether domestically we will continue our quick slide away from Constitutional protections into an even more militarist, police-state society. The stakes are that high.
Funny, I still haven't seen ONE example of constitutional rights actually being violated. Unless you're talking about taking a tougher stance on illegal immigrants who, by the way, HAVE NO CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS!!! As for the militarist, police-state thing, I guess only the Iraqis deserve to live that way. You people seem determined to return to those days as soon as possible. I will remind you once again that if you are allowed to post moronic bullcrap like this, it's pretty clear that no brown shirted minions are going to drag you away to Dubya's Dungeon where Donald Rumsfeld will torture you while John Ashcroft recites various Bible passages, thereby forcing his religion down your throat. I seem to have gotten carried away with this one...
It might prove useful one full year before that vote, therefore, to take a step back and see where we are in a variety of areas that might influence American voters.
We already know who the Republican nominees will be: Bush & Cheney. Of course, the GOP powers-that-be might decide that Cheney is more a liability than asset, and he would resign due to "health concerns."
What's with the scare quotes? Since when are heart attacks not legitimate health concerns? Oh, I forgot, Dick Cheney doesn't even have a human heart. He just has a big motor that pumps Iraqi oil through his veins and gives him the power to telepathically communicate with Halliburton executives 24/7.
Then it could be some GOP senator (Hatch?) or Condoleeza Rice - trying to take the African-American vote out of the Dems' base.
So, Rice is just trying to take away precious black voters? It couldn't have something to do with the fact that she's qualified? In any case, I think they just feel threatened because pandering to minorities has always been a Democratic strategy.
...I would guess that Lieberman and Edwards would bow out fairly early, maybe also Kucinich (who, probably no surprise, is my candidate).
Dennis Kucinich: The Tinfoil Hat Club candidate (you're right about the "no surprise" part).
Gephardt, with heavy manufacturing-union support, probably will stay in the race. Sharpton and Moseley-Braun, who have been most impressive, may stay in the hunt, not because they can win but to ensure that they have major leverage at the convention...
Translation: Sharpton will call everything and everyone racist, which will eliminate the need to pay for entertainment at Democratic fundraising events.
...Clark still has a lot of learning to do as a campaigner, but he's well-positioned as the middle-range candidate between the Dean/Kucinich more liberal wing of the party...
That's an understatement if I ever saw one.
...and the Gephardt/Lieberman more conservative wing.
How is it possible to use "Gephardt/Lieberman" and "conservative" in the same sentence without triggering armageddon?
Plus, he's got the heroic warrior credentials, something that would play well against Bush's AWOL history.
Heroic warrior? I seem to remember a little article about him almost triggering WWIII...
Kerry, also a war hero...
Thanks, I forgot that Kerry was in Vietnam (although I doubt anyone that French-looking could ever be a war hero).
...- but one who voted to give Bush a blank check to invade Iraq, thus angering the Democratic base - in this analysis could squeeze by only if Clark and Dean falter.
That's some good juxtaposition. Kerry was for the war (that imperialistic chickenhawk neocon!), Clark couldn't make up his mind about the war (don't want to alienate voters? Take both positions!), and Dean is against anything Republicans do, so he could actually be pro-war for all we know.
As of mid-November 2003, I'd say the tickets could well look this way: Bush/Cheney vs. Dean/Clark or maybe Dean/Graham. (But the Democrats, jockeying for voter blocs, need to cool their rhetoric towards each other and aim their verbal guns mainly in the direction of the resident in the White House.)
Policy? What's policy? Is that another way to say "call Bush a Nazi?" Because that's all we've got! Nobody cares what we think about the issues as long as we don't like the current president! Are you questioning my patriotism? YOU FASCIST WARMONGERING LIARS (I seem to have shifted into an omniscient perspective here)!

I think this is too big for one post, so I'll leave it at that and continue at another time. Maybe tomorrow...or maybe 10 minutes from now. You never know. Like I said, it's a huge article, but there's a ton of great material there (preview for those who haven't read it: the author apparently thinks "quagmired" is a real word). I'll probably Fisk it in 2 or 3 more separate posts, although I won't cover the whole thing. This should make up for my complete lack of political posting over the past week.

Best...Satire...EVER! 

You may have already seen this, but if you haven't, you absolutely have to check it out. It's so well-written, I found myself questioning our involvement in WWII!

Go here:Tragic French Offensive Stalled On Beaches

Does Anybody Else Think About These Things? 

Why is it that we call our enemies "Saddam" and "Osama," but we call our president "Bush?" I've never understood that (I still call him Dubya).

Thoughts On Diversity and a Message from the SU Website 

I went to my school's site to watch snow on the Quad Cam and found this item in the news section:

"For medical reasons, columnist Molly Ivins has cancelled her Nov. 18 University Lectures appearance at Syracuse University. The event was to start at 7:30 p.m. in Hendricks Chapel."

I don't really have anything to say. I just wanted to post that. By the way, James Earl Jones is going to be here tonight (although I'm not going) to give a presentation called "The Cultural Conquest: How Culture Affects Us and We Affect Culture." What's interesting about this is an article by one of our old friends at the Daily Orange. Quotes about the appearance include:

"It's part of the university's effort to bring diversity to campus..."
"Our goal for this year is to bring diverse and talented speakers..."
"We wanted to bring a prominent and diverse figure..."
"...Jones will be discussing diversity..."

Gee, do you think they like diversity? I don't think they mentioned it enough! What does "diverse" mean? Why are they using it to describe one person? How can ONE PERSON be diverse? According to the Language Master (a computerized dictionary, in case you forgot), diverse means "involving different forms." Do they even know what they're saying? I can see the headlines: "Optimus Prime to Speak About Diversity at SU Next Week!" That's the only way you can have a diverse speaker according to the dictionary definition (Optimus Prime is a transformer, for those of you who either didn't know that or haven't seen the Family Guy episode entitled "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein"). I may be going overboard with this, but I haven't written anything good on here since "No Offense," and I feel like I'm slacking off. Anyway, one more fun observation. There's a full page advertisement for Jones' speech in the DO, and it features his picture, a smaller picture of Darth Vader, and a caption that says "The Dark Side." I'm just wondering how that would be taken if the picture of Darth Vader was removed and/or it was featured in a conservative publication (which the DO is definitely not).

Okay, I'm done now. I think that was one of the more parenthetically condescending posts I've written (because I explained the obvious and wrote like I was addressing an ignorant audience within parentheses...like I'm doing now...purely as an example...and with no intent to insult your intelligence...I should be doing real work now).

What Are You Waiting For? 

According to this article, Saddam Hussein has been spotted by Iraqis around Tikrit, but he is in diguise.

... ...

... ...

... ...

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? KILL HIM! KILL HIM NOW! HE'S GONNA GET AWAY AGAIN, YOU MORONS! F***ING KILL THAT F***ING PIECE OF SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, even I need to get a little angry once in a while (although the self-censoring does kinda take away from the overall effect). Why have they not killed him yet? They know where he is. Did you read that last sentence? THEY KNOW WHERE HE IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...........Okay, I have to go take a philosophy quiz now.

Today's Free Meteorology Lesson 

Syracuse+snow+ high winds+low temperatures=freezing sandstorm. That's a very important lesson to learn.

(Sorry; I'll have something meaningful posted by the end of the day)

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Religious Tolerance? What's That? 

Read this article now. I'm too upset to even rant about it. Be sure to read the whole thing and not just the title; it makes a difference. ARE YOU READING IT YET?

You know, I just thought of an interesting question. Why is it that people are pushing for homosexual education in schools because they want to encourage diversity and teach children that not everyone lives the same way, but when the schools try to display Christian symbols, they're forcing their beliefs on children? Think about it.

Scheduling is Hard 

It took a while, but I managed to work out a schedule where I only have one 8:30 AM class! Unfortunately, I won't be in my room on the day registration opens until 45 minutes after it starts, so I probably won't get any of the classes I want. I was thinking of skipping class that day (it's just a socialism sociology lecture), but there's a frickin' paper due, so I have to be there! I just thought I would put that here, since it is my blog and everything.

UPDATE
Well, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I got out of my sociology lecture, so I can register at literally the earliest possible second, and I found out today that because I'm in Newhouse, I actually register a day or more before some other schools (although seniors and juniors are scheduling right now). The BAD news is that I had to schedule Spanish at 8:30 AM four days a week AGAIN because I read the schedule wrong last night and left out a couple days. If this schedule works out, it looks like I'll be blogging on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and weekends next semester. Tuesday and Thursday look a bit full. We'll have to wait and see about that.

Fonts Make a Difference (this post may bore you) 

Sorry to post about another completely non-political topic, but I have to share a very important discovery I made this week that made me realize that I worked harder in high school than I thought. I already mentioned that I use a Mac, and I've been using Appleworks and similar programs for word processing over the last few years. For high school essays and things, I always used double spaced Times, size 12. This always seemed to work for me, and I never thought about using other fonts. Last year, I took AP English and AP European History, which means that I was writing a minimum of about 6 pages worth of essays every week. To make things worse, I had a serious case of senioritis last year, and I wrote most of these essays at about 2:30 in the morning, sometimes later. The recommended length for an essay in European history was 3 or 4 pages, and I always made sure to insert enough useless filler to hit that mark. When it came time to write the 12 page term paper, I did the same. All of this cost me a lot of sleep and caused an enormous amount of stress.

This brings us to the present day. I was writing a paper a couple weeks ago, and I suddenly realized that I had never tried Times New Roman before. I always figured that it was the same as Times, so I hadn't really given it much thought, but I typed the paper in TNR just to see what would happen. When I finished, I looked at the font and realized that it seemed larger. To test that theory, I found an old European history essay in my documents folder and converted it to TNR, and I was amazed. It immediately went from 3 to 5 pages without anything being added! At that point, I realized that I had been doing about 1/3 more work than I had to all throughout high school, and all because I decided to go with the "old school" version of the Times font! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THAT KNOWLEDGE WOULD HAVE HELPED ME? I COULD'VE GOTTEN HOURS AND HOURS OF EXTRA FRIGGIN' SLEEP LAST YEAR IF I HAD KNOWN! IT TOOK ME 7 HOURS TO WRITE A 10 PAGE ENGLISH PAPER WHEN IT COULD'VE TAKEN 5! I FINISHED THAT PAPER AT 7:15 THE MORNING IT WAS DUE! I HAD BEEN WORKING TOO HARD THE WHOLE FRIGGIN' TIME! In addition, Appleworks pages have about 350 words in TNR, whereas Microsoft Word pages have 250, so I was doing too much work to begin with, but Times makes the pages almost 450 words long!

I just gave this theory another test. I actually found my English paper, which was 10 pages long in Times, and converted it to Times New Roman. Guess what? It's now 13 pages long! Those last 3 pages took 2 hours to write! I had to miss school that day because I stayed up all night writing! MY DAD HAD TO DRIVE TO THE SCHOOL AND GIVE THE PAPER TO A FRICKIN' CROSSING GUARD IN THE PARKING LOT! I could've been done with that thing by 5:30 and gotten a whole hour of sleep (which was about average for me last Spring)! This is crap! I was writing more than I had to for 6 years of my life! All right, I have to finish my scheduling forms now. Sorry if I bored/disturbed/frightened/confused/enraged/(insert verb here) you. I needed to get that off my chest. Remember,
ALWAYS USE TIMES NEW ROMAN!

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

More News That Doesn't Matter 

According to CNN, President Bush is unpopular in Britain! Well, guess what? The British don't vote for American presidents, SO WE DON'T FRICKIN' CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I bet Sandra Day O'Connor is happy about this crap.

Email Keeps Getting Stranger 

Okay, I know I haven't posted anything yet today, but there wasn't that much going on. I couldn't think of anything to do for Veterans' Day that hasn't been done already, so I just let that one go. Fortunately, my AOL mail just provided me with some content. I want you to take a look at this message that showed up in my mailbox with the title "HELP." Here it is:
??Subj: ??
HELP
Dear sir,

As you read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for
me, because, I believe everyone will die someday.
My name is SHAFFER NANA , a merchant in Dubai, in the
U.A.E.I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer .
It has defiled all forms of medical treatment, and right now
I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.
I have not particularly lived my life so well, as I
never really cared for anyone(not even myself)but my
business. Though I am very rich, I was never
generous, I was always hostile to people and only
focused on my business as that was the only thing I
cared for. But now I regret all this as I now know
that there is more to life than just wanting to have
or make all the money in the world.
I believe when God gives me a second chance to come
to this world I would live my life a different way
from how I have lived it. Now that God has called
me, I have willed and given most of my property
and assets to my immediate and extended family
members as well as a few close friends.
I want God to be merciful to me and accept my soul
so, I have decided to give alms to charity
organizations, as I want this to be one of the last
good deeds I do on earth. So far, I have distributed
money to some charity organizations in the U.A.E,
Algeria and Malaysia. Now that my health has
deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself
anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one
of my accounts and distribute the money which I have
there to charity organization in Bulgaria and
Pakistan, they refused and kept the money to
themselves. Hence, I do not trust them anymore, as
they seem not to be contended with what I have left
for them.

The last of my money which no one knows of is the
huge cash deposit of twenty eight million dollars
$28,000,000,00 that I have with a finance/Security Company
abroad. I will want you to help me collect this deposit
and dispatched it to charity organizations.
I have set aside 20% for you and for your time.
God be with you.
SHAFFER NANA

What the crap is this? It doesn't seem like spam, but it's probably not real. Is someone trying to send me a virus (I have a Mac, so that probably won't happen)? Is somebody in the friggin' United Arab Emirates (yeah, I know what UAE stands for) actually trying to reach a charity that has an email address like mine? What is this thing? I checked out Snopes, and they didn't have anything, although I did find out that the "five second rule" isn't accurate. That's good information, I guess.

UPDATE
AHA! Some idiot was trying to scam me! Go here for more information about stupid crap like this. If I ever find out who this was...

Late Updates 

Why am I still awake now? WHY? Anyway, just a couple things before I turn in for the night. First, I've added a couple links on the right. Go look under the "Silliness" heading if you want to check out my warped sense of humor on the 2 other blogs I update occasionally. Also, I'll again recommend that you check out some of the Alliance voting links I posted below this. They deserve it. Finally, a question to other bloggers: when you're putting links in a post, do you find that you type a hfer instead of a href just about every time, or am I just going too fast? I'll leave you with that to think about. Goodnight.

Monday, November 10, 2003

Alliance Voters 

Straight from Bad Money, here is the list of Alliance members who voted in the showcase this week. I encourage you to check out at least a few of them. I've been to most of them, and they're really good.

IMAO (558 links) - 3022 visits/day V
Anti-Idiotarian Rotweiler (463 links) - 2835 visits/day V
Blackfive - The Paratrooper of Love (154 links) - 763 visits/day V
annika's journal & poetry (79 links) - 249 visits/day V
Ramblings of Silver Blue (121 links) - 206 visits/day V
The Alliance (156 links) - 156 visits/day V
Patriot Paradox (37 links) - 149 visits/day V
Bad Money (140 links) - 146 visits/day V
angelweave (111 links) - 115 visits/day V
Madfish Willie's Cyber Saloon (84 links) - 98 visits/day V
Practical Penumbra (176 links) - 87 visits/day V
Pardon My English (47 links) - 84 visits/day V
Being American in T.O. (43 links) - 70 visits/day V
See The Donkey (15 links) - 68 visits/day V
Altered Perceptions (44 links) - 65 visits/day V
physics geek (39 links) - 63 visits/day V
The S-Train Canvass (26 links) - 61 visits/day V
Semi-Intelligent Thoughts (60 links) - 45 visits/day V
Civilization Calls (30 links) - 43 visits/day V
CandyUniverse (41 links) - 35 visits/day V
Grim's Hall (15 links) - 31 visits/day V
Wince and Nod (42 links) - 30 visits/day V
The Psychotic Rant (26 links) - 26 visits/day V
Peripheral Mind (48 links) - 24 visits/day V
Five Wasps (14 links) - 23 visits/day V
Not Quite Tea and Crumpets (31 links) - 22 visits/day V
Hypocrisy and Hypotheses (23 links) - 22 visits/day V
curi's domain (7 links) - 21 visits/day V
Various Orthodoxies (28 links) - 17 visits/day V
Newmanisms (21 links) - 17 visits/day V
Cannon's Canon (16 links) - 11 visits/day V
Hoppings of Roxette Bunny (23 links) - 10 visits/day V
Flying Chair (32 links) - 0 visits/day V
Interested-Participant (63 links) - visits/day V
Shameless Self-Promotion V
The Inscrutable American V



INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST!

A Blog of a Different Color 

I said I was going to change the color scheme, didn't I? I couldn't stand the old colors anymore (see the bottom choice on the template poll to find out why). If you have any comments about the new template, whether you like it or not, you're welcome to leave them here.

Also, I said I might post a portion of the essay I wrote, but it really sucked, so I'm going to keep it confidential. In the process of writing that thing, however, I set a new record for turning work in at the last minute. Basically, it was due by 5 PM, and I started writing it at about 1 (which should give you some idea of how good it was). Anyway, I spent the whole afternoon writing, and I finished around 4:30. Unfortunately, I have the worst printer on the face of the earth, and it took about 15 minutes to print out a readable copy. I had to write "sorry if this is hard to read. I printed several copies and this was the best one" on the inside of the cover page so the TA would know why it was so funny looking.

Now, at this point, it was about 4:47. All I had to do was staple the essay together. Unfortunately, my stapler decided that it didn't feel like putting the staples all the way through the paper today, and then it jammed. Luckily, my roommate's stapler was sitting out, so I used it, then I rushed out of the room and made my way toward the building where the philosophy TA offices are. I got lucky with this one, because the building happens to be about 5 minutes from my dorm, but I had to run down the Mount Olympus stairs (there are 100 of them, if you didn't know) to get there. Also, the TA offices are on the 4th floor, so I had to go up 4 flights of stairs. When I finally got there and dropped my essay in the box, it was 4:56. That is not an exaggeration. If I had gotten there 4 minutes later, I would've lost 1/3 of my total grade. 4 minutes! All right, I probably bored you with that story, but it was still worth blogging about.

I Want a Recount! 

Just thought I'd get your attention. In all seriousness, 28 votes isn't bad, and I'm glad I got to participate in the TTLB showcase. I do need to say, however, that the Alliance participation is really disturbing. 34 of 91? What was everyone else doing? The League of Lunatics knows how to do it. They actually vote. We're never going to win back sponsorship if nobody votes. I just hope there are more than 2 conservative political entries this week. We need a bit more competition. Anyway, thanks to everyone who did vote for me, and congratulations to the winners.

Now, back to regular business. I have procrastinated on yet another essay, so I can't do any blogging this afternoon, and then I have to do some scheduling stuff, so tonight may not be very eventful either. I will remind you again that I can't post much in the next 2 weeks, as I've got a ton of stuff to do. However, since I am writing an essay this afternoon, I figure I can use it for blog content. I may post an excerpt later today depending on how much it does or doesn't suck. We'll see about that.

Sunday, November 09, 2003

UPDATE 

I thought it would be better to make a new post for this one. I wrote earlier about who is responsible for manipulating the details of the Jessica Lynch story. Well, if you're not convinced, go here. I don't think the Pentagon had anything to do with the writing, production, marketing, or airing of this movie.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DON'T SHUT UP! 

That was from The Simpsons. Anyway, Al Gore needs to shut up and go home. It's that simple. I don't have time for a rant, but you can share my rage by clicking on this link.

Interesting Techniques... 

Not that I'm trying to give negative publicity to the blog that's winning the showcase right now, but you really should go here and check out the comments under the "I Thought Elephants Didn't Forget" post. It demonstrates one of the most common liberal debate strategies: When one argument doesn't work, switch to a contradictory one. When that doesn't work, claim that facts are irrelevant. When that doesn't work, just claim that you don't need proof to be right. Read it now!

Even More Random Stuff 

This is really pointless, but I need to post more so I can push that picture down past the links. Anyway, 2 quick things. First of all, Frank J. of IMAO voted for me in the showcase! I'm speechless (which is kind of a moot point since I'm typing this). I've already gotten 12 referrals from that, and since my previous record of hits from one site in one day is 5, I'll consider that a "Frankalanche." Unfortunately, it doesn't look like SIT is going to win (the League of Lunatics ganged up on all us conservative bloggers again), but it was fun to be part of the contest. The second thing I wanted to mention is that the word "Rottweiler" is spelled wrong in the Alliance blogroll. Oh, well. I guess that's better than what I saw last night. I visited my parents in the motel they were staying in for the weekend, and there was a maintenance room next to theirs. The sign on the door said "Maintanance." Go, literacy!

Blame the Right People 

Well, according to articles like this one, Jessica Lynch is talking smack about the government for using her and "lying" about her rescue. Now, it may be true that the Pentagon or the military released information that wasn't credible, but just like that whole "Uraniumgate" thing, they were using the intelligence they had. It seems to me that the MEDIA is using these stories to try and symbolize the war. After all, I believe it was the Washington Post that first produced the dramatized report of her capture, and the news channels broadcast video of her rescue. I haven't heard Dubya say that much about her, actually. I've heard news reporters call her a hero and everything, but the government doesn't seem to have that much to say, so blame the people responsible for the exaggerations. The people who reported the inaccurate information should be held accountable. The government just releases the info they have. It's up to the media to decide what is reported and how the subjects are portrayed. The Pentagon didn't make the decision to call Jessica Lynch a hero.

Appearance Example 

For those of you who get the right alignment and related problems, here is what the page is supposed to look like:

More Totally Random Updates 

First of all, I'd like to congratulate Patriot Paradox for getting Emperor Misha's vote in the showcase. I'm really impressed (and a little jealous). Now, back to SIT business. I will not be posting much this week. That is not a possibility; it is simply reality. I have an obscene amount of work to do, and I don't want to screw up my first semester of college with bad grades, so I need to concentrate on that. I'll make up for it when I go back home to Pittsburgh for Thanksgiving break. I'll have nothing to do for 5 days but sit at the computer and play drums (not at the same time, of course). I have a philosophy paper to write today, and I really need to get started now. Maybe I'll post an excerpt on the blog just to provide some new content.

Before I go, I want to share some slightly non-political anecdotes from yesterday. It was Saturday, and Syracuse had a home game (which they won, in case you didn't know), so I had to be there for marching band things. One of our tenor (the drum, not the saxophone) players said a couple things that were probably funnier to those of us who heard them, but are still worth blogging about. For the first one, I need to give a little background. Marching band is a disciplined activity, so we have various commands we have to follow. For example, when the drum major says, "band, atten-hut!" we yell "pride!" and stand at attention. The aforementioned tenor player likes to mess with this procedure and yell different words, but they're usually not that funny. However, at the end of rehearsal yesterday, the drum major said the usual "band, atten-hut!" and instead of saying "pride," he yelled "Babylonian coin!!!" Once again, this is probably one of those things that's funnier to hear than to read, but...Babylonian coin? What the F is that?

The second story is also about the tenor player (I hope he doesn't read this). In college, the visiting team usually doesn't bring their marching band, but for some reason, Temple did. When they were warming up, our subject started talking to their drumline and playing their tenors, and one of their tenor players, a black guy with that "cornrows" hairstyle, basically told him to go f**k himself. He came back to us with that story and said that he wanted to show off his skills to teach them a lesson. At first, he referred to the one who yelled at him as a "guy with cornrows," but he thought that might be offensive, so he eventually said, "I'll show that...person of a different ethnicity from me...which has nothing to do with why I hate him!" I turned to him and said, "that's the best disclaimer I've ever heard." And it was.

Okay, I think I'm done now. The guy across the hall just yelled "DAMN IT! THEY SUCK!" So I'm guessing a football game isn't going well. I can't concentrate with this crap going on. I'll leave you with a couple more fun facts: according to my roommate, it's illegal in New York to milk another person's cow or sell your own eyes, and it's illegal in Nebraska to fish for whales or burp in church. That's good to know.

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God Bless America